You Missed A Bit

So on the days that I bother/have time to have a shower in the morning, I typically have a bathroom companion in the form of my 4 year old, Johnny Drama.

Heaven forbid that I am allowed even 10 minutes of peace and privacy to soap down my genitals with cascading warm water and some Lush shower gel, without an audience and ongoing commentary - typically revolving around the difference in our genitalia appearance. (Although I guess I ought to be grateful that the functionality of our individual sexual organs hasn't become the prime topic of conversation. Yet.)

Although Johnny Drama rarely ventures into the shower with me, he invariably takes the opportunity to get naked whilst he expresses his sympathy, once again, over the fact that I am still incapable of growing a penis. He views this as a great tragedy, that I bear admirably. I try to assure him that in my mind, it is no great loss but he clearly doesn't believe me and I usually receive several consolatory hugs around the knees, whilst trying to towel myself dry.

These naked little hugs can be the highlight of my day. The incredible softness of his sturdy, plump, lush flesh pressed against my bare legs is so exquisite that, even when I am severely pushed for time and we are late, yet again, I can't help but pause for that moment and savour this affection. This morning I bent over and covered his pensive face with kisses.

"Geddoff me, mum! No kisses!"

Oh, the joys of the 4 year old who already thinks he is too old to suffer a peck on the cheek from his own mother.

Sometimes I obey his indignant command. But mostly I ignore him and simply dive in for more. This morning was no different. I grab him and start to smother him in kisses, from behind his ear, to his elbow, armpit, tummy, back, knees, thighs and chubby little feet.

"No kisses, eh? No kisses? I'll give you 'no kisses' you little monkey..."

Johnny Drama writhes in ecstatic giggles as I bite his bottom and continue to kiss him all over. Finally I let him go with a mock warning: let that be a lesson to you for telling me, your own mother, no kisses...

He looks at me with a face of pure innocence, penis outstretched in his hand..."You missed a bit mummy".

I pause, completely taken back.

"You missed a bit mummy" he repeats, "c'mon, kiss my penis. C'mon. Kiss it." He smiles up at me, totally guileless.

I feel completely unprepared for how to deal with the situation. I've never had an issue with nudity - mine or theirs - but even when they were both babies, and I kissed every square inch of them from head to toe, I never kissed their genitals. I wasn't sure how to explain, at 6.53am, that the kissing of his penis wasn't really appropriate - even though it appears to be by far Johnny Drama's favourite body part and I am sure he would spend a fair amount of his waking hours kissing it himself, if it was physically possible.

I shuffle with embarrassment into the bedroom, as JD stalks me with penis still in hand giggling while he seeks to continue the kissing game, and start to get dressed. Would it really be so bad if I gave it a quick kiss and then we just got on with our day?

I acquiesce by blowing his penis a kiss as I busy myself with making the bed.

I am sure that, during your lifetime Johnny Drama, there will be plenty of women willing to give your penis a kiss. Unfortunately my love, I just can't bring myself to be one of them.

But I am sure your peachy little bottom is not regarded as 'out of bounds' for at least a couple of years yet...right?