Thursday, April 23, 2009

Friends are the Best Medicine

The boys are back at school, I am more rested and therefore feeling a bit more chipper. I survived the gloom of the weekend with the unexpected help of friends and life feels a whole lot more tolerable and glass-half-fullish.

It makes me realise that I have a real talent for being a moaning minnie combined with an unhealthy mix of misery guts - but have very little talent for actually reaching out and asking for help. I tend to think that these are my problems, my hard times and I just need to try to suck it up and get through it alone. Just confiding in people how unhappy I am might provide brief relief but usually makes me feel more alone than ever before. My tendency is to expect people to constantly have me in their thoughts and include me in their plans, but of course life isn't like that most of the time. People are so busy getting on with the drama in their own lives - it's not that they don't care or sympathise but of course it isn't top of mind for them to be volunteering their company when they are not even aware that I need it.

Luckily for me I am surrounded by amazing women who, it appears, would love to be there for me if I reach out and ask for help.

And that's what happened on Saturday and Sunday.

After writing my post on Saturday and feeling tearful and exhausted, I mustered the energy to call a friend who is also a single mum (actually, she is a single 'mom', but that's by-the-by). Was she free Saturday afternoon to get together? Well, blow me down. Actually she was. So Saturday afternoon I spent with a glass of wine in hand, having a good ol' natter with my friend while the boys and her daughter entertained themselves for nearly 3 hours. Then we were joined by another single mum and her daughter and the three of us gals succeeded in solving most of the world's problems before dinner (don't you find that happens when women get together?). It was just what I needed and all of a sudden life seemed a lot less scary and a helluva lot more tolerable.

On Sunday I unexpectedly received a text from a single dad friend and we met for breakfast and before I knew it 2 hours had gone by. In the afternoon another amazing friend came over and I cooked dinner and her 2 kids and my boys combined forces and destroyed the house. It was pandemonium. It was bliss.

And to top it all off, one of these lovely ladies offered to organise a girl's night out on Friday, to celebrate my birthday. I mean, how thoughtful is that? So tomorrow I am out on the town with all these new friends that I am just getting to know, plus my oldest and dearest, and I am feeling very lucky. This is just the sort of night out that I like. It has all the important ingredients:

1. It is an opportunity to get tarted up

2. There will be alcohol and maybe the opportunity for a bit of a bop

3. It is all about....ME. And as I love to be the centre of attention, I will just enjoy it while it lasts.

(And talking of new friends...the last time I went out on the town, a couple of weeks ago, I got chatted up by a guy who I thought was rather sexy. He bought me a drink - completely unnecessary because I was already totally inebriated and up for anything - and we flirted and then had a little bit of a snog. My God, he was a good kisser. I am living such a strange life where I can go out and kiss a complete stranger on a girl's night out. I think I could become quite the floozy in my old age. Anyway, he takes my number and calls me the next day. All well and good. We chat but it's a busy week and I don't have the time to meet up. So he calls me again on Sunday and we arrange to meet tonight. But then my babysitter cancels so I texted him on Tuesday and we re-arrange for last night. And that's the last I hear from him. I am expecting a call or text all day to confirm where we are going to meet. But nothing. What the fuck is all that about? Oh well. His loss. The @!%$&^%&!!!!)

And whilst on the subject of friends, it would be churlish not to give a big shout out to my wonderful sister and my mate living in London who practically inundate me with texts, emails and phone calls EVERY DAY. I don't know what I did to deserve you two but let me tell you here and now that it is utterly and totally 100% appreciated.

As for my new interweb buddies - I can't express how incredible it is to receive such caring messages and advice from women that I would walk past in Sainsbury's without batting an eyelash of recognition. Thank you so much. Must stop now because I have had two glasses of wine and am entering the gushing and teary eyed Gwyneth-at the Oscar-Podium state. Just to say, it is really and truly appreciated from the heart.


  1. I wholeheartedly agree that friends make life seem a million times better. I'm so glad that you're finding friends to hang out with. And am slightly envious of the your freedom to snog random strangers in bars, not to mention the chance to go bopping. Not that I want to snog random strangers mind, but having the option must be very liberating.

  2. I have the same inability to ask for help. Things have to get to a really, really desperate point before I will. So, well done you! Have a fantastic night out tonight.

  3. I'm so pleased that you have found a couple of friends you can offload to - they are essential, and also to let your hair down with.

    Not only that but you've been snogging men?! My God, you jezebel! I haven't had a snog in over 4 years.....jealous, moi?

  4. Friends are great - I agree.

    It's weird how nice comments from people a thousand miles away, whom you've never met and are never going to meet, can do so much for morale, but I think we've all had that experience. I don't know whether this means that bloggers are emotionally disfunctional, or live too much through the written word, or perhaps are just plain desperate. Or more sophisticated emotionally than other people Probably the latter. Oh yes.

    And by the way, why doesn't the spellchecker like the word 'disfunctional'? How else could I spell it? I've tried a few ways, and it seems 'dysfunctional' is the correct one. That can't be right. Is that some US/UK spelling difference, or what?

    I'm glad you've got friends there.

  5. I'm still waiting for a good's been ages.
    Love from one of your good friends.

  6. HOM - Snogging in a bar still makes me feel a bit slapperish and seems very illicit, although I am pretty sure there's no law against it. God - it's not very ladylike behaviour tho for a woman who has just 'celebrated' her 2nd 21st birthday, is it?

    Tasha - I'm glad I'm not alone. It makes me feel a bit pathetic - like I am grovelling for friendship. But...whatever it takes! I guess I am just going to have to get used to being too proud to reach out for help - for the boy's sake if not my own.

    NotSupermum - I know I am a complete tart!!! But if I don't get out there snogging now, when would I have the opportunity? In my 50s??! I guess I will just take a good snog where I can find it...kissing is just so nice. The key is not to be too fussy about who you are kissing and where (eeuuwwhh!)

    Iota - I know I am completely barking but I know for a fact that you are all utterly sane and fabulous and totally sophisticated in every regard.

    MTW - You're the best x