Cock-a-doodle-doo

So I had a revelation this morning. It appears to have slipped my memory exactly how this could have happened (but there really is no other rational explanation) - at some point approximately 6 years ago and then again 2 years later I had sex with a rooster. Must have been all that keeping-my-eyes-closed-in-the-moment and fantasising about Russell Crowe that did it. Somehow a rooster took that opportunity to break into our house, creep into my bedroom, switch places with my husband and fertilise my waiting egg...

How else can you explain the fact that I have given birth to, not one, but two children who automatically wake and start their day (usually just as noisily as a cockeral but mostly louder) at 5am?

Of course when son 1 was a baby I, somewhat naively it turns out, thought it was just a phase. A baby phase. This will pass I confidently told myself - whilst I diligently read every sleep manual and instruction book I could lay my hands on and became known in local circles as the Nap Nazi.

It's now 5 years and countless early, early mornings later and the only thing that has changed is that I now get my alarm call in stereo rather than mono. Not progress. And hardly a phase.

I have, of course, tried a variety of recommended solutions and (with the assistance of a very helpful sleep clinic) spent a fairly large amount of cash, trying to reclaim that extra hour in the morning that is proving to be essential in my survival as a fairly sane human being. I have cupboards full of 'sleep rules', reward charts, homeopathic remedies, supernanny style incentive gimmicks (including medals, little fake 'winner' cups and even a set of jacks to collect) and of course stickers galore. I have used a combination of stairgates strategically placed in bedroom doorways, removed light bulbs from bedrooms and worn ear plugs. I have bought the recommended Bunny clock and altered the time of every clock in the house. But to no avail. These budding little roosters of mine are stubbornly refusing to even try to re-educate their circadian rhythm (told you I was an expert) and I know there is only one solution left that I have yet to try.

Re-educate mine.

I am, quite frankly, a little frustrated but also impressed with my body's continued and stubborn reluctance to spring to life at 5am. You would think, after 5+ years of being woken at this time that I would have adjusted by now and be taking the opportunity to greet the sunrise each day with some meditation or maybe a little yoga. Take some time to create a positive mindset for the day maybe. For goodness sake, I could spend that extra hour just devouring the books that I am too tired to read for more than 10 minutes at night.

But no. It appears that my circadian rhythm is just as stubborn as my sons - and despite all encouragement from whatever side of my brain is Ms. Logic, is clinging on to the intention of an extra hour of shut eye with 100% commitment.

Odd really. Because before kids I would have labeled myself a morning person. Was frequently at the gym by 6.30am before work. Never lay-in beyond 9am at the weekend because I didn't want to 'waste the day'. What was I thinking??? Wasting all those potentially precious sleeping hours with waking hours? This is obviously someone's hilarious idea of payback time.

Oh well. On the bright side at least I can never complain of not having enough time to get them both ready for school in the morning. And, as my sleep clinic advisor so kindly pointed out, these kids could be earning fortunes as early morning dj's/TV presenters in the years to come...